I didn’t set out to write a book telling singles to ditch their dating apps.
The focus of Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge isn’t online dating. It’s flipping the script on dating’s traditional gender roles—rewriting all those archaic “rules” that tell a woman she can’t ask a man out on a date or can’t ask her boyfriend to marry her.
But something else emerged from my interviews with women who had found love by bucking the rules: They hated online dating.
So many women I spoke to had these amazing stories that would have gone unwritten had they not quit the apps and found soulmates at work, in church, through friends, or at the dog park. Inspired by their stories, I even added a chapter to the book called The Make Your Move Offline Dating Challenge, a step-by-step plan for finding love in the real world instead of the digital one.
“A Doubter’s Game?”
Mia, a 49-year-old divorcee, was a one of those unhappy app customers.
Why? For one thing, she described online dating to me as “a doubter’s game.” Mia just assumed most men online were lying to her—about their careers, about their marital status, or about whether they were looking for a hookup or an actual relationship. (According to a Pew Research survey, Mia’s right: 71% of daters report it’s “very common” for people to lie on dating-app profiles.)
Tired of being deceived and taken advantage of, Mia would spend first dates trying to find all the holes in the men’s stories. That didn’t lead…